Bush-Cheney in 2004? NOT!

Ten things I think we might see during the 2004 presidential election cycle.....

10) GW Bush after 3 years of constant study finally learns to tie his own shoe laces. Vows to start the 'No Shoes left behind' program in second term.

9) Dan Burton gets VERY bad case of poison Ivy right before the Republican National Convention. Resigns from office in shame after scratching himself EVERYWHERE throughout speech.

Don Rumsfeld falls from grace by being caught with a room full of hookers in a conference room just off the oval office.

7) Dick Cheney bows out citing his inability to go along with an amendment banning Gay Marriage. Gets a divorce Moves to San Francisco and get re-married to Richard Simmons in a public ceremony held on Alcatraz Island.

6) Dan Quayle comes out of obscurity to be GW Bush's running mate. Dan and GW part ways 2 weeks before the election with GW saying, 'He and I couldn't agree on the spelling of the word cat. I said it was K-A-T and he said it was C-A-A-T. I was right, so he had to move on'

5) GW Bush then picks his dad to be his running mate. The BUSH - BUSH Ticket is hot for the first week, until GW is arrested in a cocaine sting operation by John Ashcroft who immediately throws his hat in the ring as a candidate. GW Bush is lead off in handcuffs and is heard shouting, 'He is a MADMAN I TELL YOU! AND YOU CAN'T DEAL WITH A MADMAN!'

4) Chris Matthews laughs at his owns jokes until he chokes and has to be given CPR on the set by guest Ann Coulter. He later claims it was the best sex of his life.

3) Dennis Miller switches back to being a Liberal and renames his show Fence Jumpers. He also adds a new co-host Jim Jeffords.

2) 2 Weeks after the election ... Roselynn Carter, Nancy Reagan, Barbara Bush, Hillary Clinton and Laura Bush join forces to form 'Ladies Party' Clinton and Reagan promise a run for president in 2008. They start campaigning immediately for the next cycle.


1) On election night, the Ashcroft-Lott Ticket is destroyed by the Kerry-Edwards Ticket 538-0 in the electoral college.