Why Cheney Cursed!

By Con Delirios

10. Halliburton Stock dropped a quarter point and he had just lost $8 Million Dollars.

9. Cheney had switched to Sanka that morning and was a little cranky.

8. Cheney just lost his favorite blankie in the great washing machine accident of 2004.

7. He just realized his daughter was gay and decided to blame it on a Senator from a state which allows Civil Unions.


6. Leahy's hometown of Montpelier, Vermont became one of the first cities in the nation to offer Wi-Fi access throughout its city limits. Cheney was upset with this because Wi-Fi signals do strange things to his pacemaker.

5. The battery on his pacemaker was running out of juice and his bloodflow to the brain was slowing. He decided to yell and scream obsenities as a way of kickstarting it.

4. Cheney stepped on a thorn while working in his garden that morning. He couldn't get it out and it was causing him great pain.

3. Their were no reporters around to yell at, so he yelled at Leahy.

2. Diane Feinstein was holding up makeup mirror and Cheney saw his reflection for the first time in 12 years. Having avoided mirrors for so long, he saw the stranger staring back at him and the snarl on the face made him angry. The first person he saw after this, Leahy.

1. His underwear were too tight, and were cutting off circulation to his brain. I mean... Balls.